Becoming...any process of change. I like how Aristotle defined it, "any change from the lower level of potentiality to the higher level of actuality."
Inside us, God has put the potential to rise above and really be who He wants us to be. And any change, however big or small, towards that is what becoming is. But we can also become something that we don't want to be. Because there really is no such thing as standing still. We're either becoming better or becoming worse.
Stagnant water – not moving but not unchanging. By not moving, it allows things that are not supposed to be a part of it to hang on and grow. Stagnant water is the perfect breeding ground for disgusting scum and blood sucking insects. It looks gross. It smells gross. And it’s just no good to have around. So eve n though it’s not moving, it’s continually getting worse. So we have to keep moving forward.
But how? All my life, I’ve struggled with self discipline. My marriage and my children are the only things in my whole life that I have not quit. I am constantly struggling with keeping my house as well as not wanting to deny myself when it comes to food. Mostly junk. Most times I just sit around doing nothing….stagnant. Over and over I’ve tried to stop, to change, to “fix” myself. I’ve tried so many techniques, so many routines. I’ve made countless lists. 9 out of 10 of those never got even one thing crossed off of it. I could never figure out HOW to change. I could never understand why I couldn’t…or wouldn’t change. And the things just built up. A while back, I came to the conclusion t hat I was just lazy and selfish. I didn’t change because I just “didn’t wanna”. So I just kicked myself harder every time I failed or quit. And all this only resulted in a messy house, more second guessing myself and less stepping out. After all, I was too lazy to follow through with anything anyway, so why even bother starting it right? Why bother reaching out to people? Maintaining a relationship is just too much work. And, besides, my house won’t ever be clean enough to have anyone over. And it’s not like anyone would want to be my friend anyway. It’s not like I have anything to offer anyway. So it became a nonstop circle of pity parties and beating myself up.
And then BAM! Our lives changed so fast when we left FFC. And all of the sudden, I’m part of something that’s bigger than anything I ever thought I’d be a part of. I got excited and super motivated in my mind, but it didn’t ever go from thoughts to actions.
So it starts weighing heavier on me. I step back and take a look at my life and think, “How can I make a difference in God’s Kingdom if I can’t even make a dent in my own life?” And I still couldn’t figure out how to change for the better. And the scum on the stagnant pond of who I am kept building up. All the while I’m learning. I’m storing up information about who I am and the woman I’m supposed to be. I just couldn’t quite seem to find her. The downward spiral kept getting steeper. And the one thing I realized is, that while laziness and selfishness are part of my problem, there are really more like symptoms of something deeper. And what I found is that they are caused by fear and self-doubt. I was glad to have widdled it down a little but it didn’t help much. I still wasn’t to the root of my problem. I still didn’t know why I had those problems or how I was supposed to deal with them. I couldn’t figure out what my problem was and I really didn’t want to bother anyone with it by asking for help. I was becoming angry and bitter and I was taking it out on my family. I was on a path to destruction. If it was for Anne-Lise and Rachel recognizing something wasn’t right and reaching out to me, my world would’ve crashed and burned.
I slowly, and with help, climbed out of my hole. And Monday night, Anne-Lise said something that clarified everything for me. She talked about how disciplining our children is one way that we that we show them we love them and how that translates into how we treat ourselves. And how, f we lack self discipline, we are showing our lack of self-worth. And it was like she flipped a switch. It was so simple! All my selfishness, all my fear, all the second-guessing myself, it all boiled down to not seeing the worth in myself. I knew I never really liked or respected myself, but I thought it was because of my lack of self-discipline. I hadn’t realized that it was the other way around. And getting it backwards all these years was where my difficulty lay. It became a vicious cycle. The less self-discipline I had, the more I disliked myself, and the less I liked myself, the less I wanted to step out of my comfort zone and get things done. And so on and so forth. It is so great to figure this out!!! Now I have a starting point for my change! So I started thinking about what I’m worth and what I have to offer. And why loving myself will lead to loving others.
I know my worth doesn’t come from me but from my Creator. So what worth has He given me? Or any of us? Genesis 1:23 says we were created in His own image. Psalm 139:14-16 says that we are fearfully and wonderfully made and that he had our days planned before we were even born! In Ephesians it talks about Him choosing us as His children before the foundations of this earth were formed. That we are His possessions chosen for His glory and as His children, we have an inheritance in Heaven with Him. He made us for a reason. He never makes anything by accident and He doesn’t do shotty work. Everything made by His hands is precious. And we, as His children, are the most precious of all His creations.
So much in the world tells us we’re not good enough. Not smart enough. Not rich enough. Not thin enough. It gets so overwhelming! How can we keep up? It’s hard to keep all those voices from the world out. But we have to…..We have to realize that our worth doesn’t come from what the world thinks of us…but from what our Father made us to be. And we have to look to Him. We have to seek Him, to try to understand His greatness. And then try to understand how much He loves us. And also, we need to see that He made us for a purpose. And if we can’t see the worth in ourselves, if we can’t stop doubting ourselves, we will never fulfill that purpose, and we’ll be no good to anyone.
When you are on an airplane, in the event of an emergency, the flight attendants will tell the mothers to put the oxygen masks on themselves before they apply the masks to their children. What good will they be to their kids if they pass out from lack of air? If we don’t take care of ourselves, if we don’t see the worth enough in ourselves to do the things that need done for us, how are we going to be able to take care of others?
Mark 12:30-31 says, “Love the Lord your God with all your soul and with all your might and with all your mind and with all your strength and to love your neighbor as yourself There is no commandment greater than these.” What good is that is that if we don’t even love ourselves. What love, then, do we have to give to others? Take that verse, along with 1 John 4:8 where it says, “Whoever does not love, does not know God.” and you can see that if you don’t love yourself, and you can’t muster a true love for others, how can you truly know God? So it really comes down to being able to see your own worth. Being able to love yourself enough to do what needs done in your life. Whether it be cleaning your home, eating right and exercising, or stepping out in faith and spreading God’s Word. In showing that love to yourself, you began to show love to others. You become healthier mentally, physically and spiritually. You have more energy and more confidence and you can better take care of your family. And you set a good example for those who look up to you. And the more you step out, the better you see your worth and you have even more confidence to step out even more. And the cycle reverses. And you start becoming the person God made you to be. Fulfilling His purposes, growing in Him. Love Him and loving others…..and, really, that is all there is to do.
